about a boy

Dear Jayden,

you are more than 5 weeks old now… and really, in the twinkling of an eye, almost half my maternity leave has flown past. These 5 weeks have been filled with lots of love, cries, hugs, frustration and generally, intensive training to be a mum. This past week we have gone through a lot. You have had two manyue celebrations and been cuddled by many many people. You enjoy being carried around, not raising a whimper and being so well behaved.

we have spent the weekend alone as a family too… just daddy, you and me. We did not do splendidly but we did manage to get by. Daddy was a little sick but he still tried his best to be around you. You are growing well, returning slowly to your sleep all the time pattern. Except that nowadays you like to be carried before you sleep. I love this time alone with you. When you rest your little head on my shoulder and your body heaves up and down on my chest. Its reassuring and calming to watch you and have you so near. It is so much more endearing than when you are simply in utero.

I treasure these snippets of times because it is a time when we are both at rest. You are not fussing and wanting milk, nor are you having wind in your tummy. You just want someone close, to reassure you that everything is alright and that the world, while big and confusing, has its comfort zones.

You are growing bit by bit. Already your milk intake is on the increase. You are filling your rompers much better now than before and while we do not know your exact weight, we are sure you will do fine. You have a greater love for sleep than food… preferring to sleep through until you get desperately hungry. I guess we should be thankful. Also, you are very curious…! You were wide awake throughout your manyue celebrations, refusing to sleep and instead, posed for many many photos. You were not troubled by the noise nor the crampy living room. Instead you focused on the many new faces you saw around you. I think you wormed your way into the hearts of many who came.

There are 6 weeks left till I return to work. I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to leave you behind all day for days on end. Only able to return to you after office hours or when work is done. I can imagine the conflict I would have, especially of whether to hang up the work clothes and stay by your side. I admit to getting tinges of envy when I see you bond so well with grandma but I know that you will be in safe hands and very comfortable in her care come 6 weeks time. Already when daddy and I go out for a short day to spend time away, I find myself wondering whether you are having your feed, bath or sleeping it off. It is a struggle sometimes dear one, to go out for some time alone / apart, or to stay and be by your side. Although you cannot speak, I know it best to be around whenever we can.

At this moment, you are sleeping peacefully in your bed. I love to lay my head on the edge of the bed, peering at your face as you sleep, watching all the funny faces you make. Slight movements sometimes startle you and I wonder whether it was a dream that got you jerking and what exactly can be going through your head. By the time you can talk, you will not remember…

lots of love…