about a boy

… from the mother’s point of view … It has been an ultra long weekend and I don’t quite know where to begin. Yes, the lil one is born… He now has a name, and his birth has been registered. What went on behind the scenes? Well…

Basically I woke on Friday to the prospect of another nice lazy taitai day. Well, afterall, that is what you do on your days off. Very much appreciated because the night before I was in a meeting till 11pm. I went back to attend although I was on leave because it felt like the right thing to do. I kind of regret it now but anyway, too late. Lounged around and surfed the net… to discover that my granddad was once again in hospital and iit basically set the mood for the day. When we got to the clinic for our routine check up, the lil one had dips in his heartbeat, less fetal movements and I had a slight decrease in weight. Apparently I was 2cm dilated and everyone wanted me in hospital to be induced.

Nothing was really going my way. I was worried sick about granddad and mum (who would obviously be affected). I did not want inducing the baby but this was the sort of medical reasons I had given leeway to. So we admitted ourselves to hospital and settled into the delivery suite. Gynae came by to burst the waterbag and we were there waiting for the contractions to come at 2pm, Friday afternoon.

Of course they came. Mild and not really detectable. No change in dilation though. So the gynae ordered for the drip to induce contractions to start. They started. By 8pm the pains were severe. But the dilation showed no progress. My evil twin took over and I started snapping. It felt impossible to last the whole dilation process without epidural so I finally asked for it. Epidural was administered at 9pm… with me spending the last hour cringing and being pretty darn curt when asked about whether I was having “contractions or back pain”. Its all linked, It felt like an all surround pain.

With the epidural, I was fully dilated by 12am and began to push. The lil one took his time in coming down the birth canal… remaining pretty high up so it took a good 2 hours before he was near enough. Ended up having him delivered while assisted with the vaccuum. Like finally… He looked dazed, just like me… I was not expecting him out “just like that”. But he was. Weighed in at 2.84kg, 2.16am. We spent another 45 minutes plus in the theatre as the gynae stitched me up all over. Apparently it was a difficult delivery so the vagina was all stitched up? It does not make sense to me and besides, I cannot see what is really going on down there.

Fed him a little, both of us struggling before we went to the ward for a short rest… at 4plus which was when the first wave of sms notifications were sent. I hope I did not wake anyone up. Just that I wanted to tell before I get dead to the world. The next few days were difficult periods of trying to latch the lil one. He is a real sleepyhead… Crying in the nursery and falling asleep at the breast. He turned up slightly jaundiced and was ordered some formula supplements to help clear the system. Lactation consultants, nurses, relatives who were LCs came by to help and he still either sleeps soundly or cries his head off while trying to latch.

It is a difficult time for us… all three of us. Ok, Jayden probably has the best deal out of the situation We are learning. I know within myself I am slipping slightly into depression with this difficulty in nursing. The LC came by and said to express while trying to latch him. We have been trying. But being largely unsuccessful in our attempts. He nurses for a few seconds before pushing the nipple out. Apparently the nipple is too “short”? He cries after having had his expressed breastmilk, still hungry for more. And yes, we have been supplementing him as a result. I keep feeling that things could be better but so far, they are not. I wonder what to do with breastfeeding everytime I express some out for him.

By and large, he is ok. Everyone is being really supportive and with so many different views on breastfeeding out there, we are looking to supplementing. By the way, thanks to everyone who called, smsed, came down to visit. It was good to see you. Pardon the somewhat gloomy state of my mind. I just needed to get it off my chest.